Some funny but real news from Thailand news...

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Upwards moo-vehement
The Nation, 11 April 2005

The one cow, one poor farmer scheme is now the five cows, one poor farmer scheme if we are to take for true stories in the press that the government, through the Agriculture Ministry, now plans to "lend" five million cows to farmers, whether they want them or not.

The government says that while the farmers have the cows they can make around Bt1,400 a month.

Press reports didn't say how the farmers were going to make this money, but we presumed it would be through selling cows milk.

This could prove difficult if the farmer ends up with a steer, as the likelihood of having five million cattle of the same sex is not great.

If it is a steer, maybe the farmers can make money offering village kiddies rides on it.

Farmers who end up with a steer instead of a cow and who have no grazing land (which means they will have to buy feed), are probably looking forward to the free bovine as much as their next prostate examination.

Bovine Ideology:
1. Communism: You have two cows. The state takes both of them and give you the milk.
2. Socialism: You have two cows. The state lets you keep them and takes the milk.
3. Nazism: You have two cows. The state takes both of them and the milk, and shoots you.
4. Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
5. Thaksinism: You have no cows. The state buys five million for 10 times the market value and gives you one, but it never arrives. You are then forced to buy one from an influential person who has the backing of senior politicians whose families recently entered the cattle trading industry.
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Bureaucracy2 = Infinity
The Nation, 18 April 2005

In a move that demonstrates the government's unwavering commitment to make straightforward tasks cumbersome and ineffective, six working groups and nine special task-forces have been "assigned to launch an all-out offensive" against street vendor extortionists and to enlist the necessary assistance to maintain the anti-mafia drive.

A subcommittee to suppress extortionists and illegal collectors of parking fees convened its first meeting yesterday to delegate to the six working groups the responsibilities for probing and executing regulations.

For heaven's sake, why don't you just arrest these extortionists and put them in jail? Everybody knows who they are.

Why turn even the most straightforward of tasks into a Pythonesque parody of committees, sub=committees, ad-hoc committees, working roups, task forces et al; all reporting to each other on something they have no real intention of doing anything about?

The Farang Affairs Theory of Burgeoning Bureaucracy states: The sum of the combined parts of an ad-hoc bureaucratic structure corresponds to the speed at which it moves in reaching its objective.
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Launder at Leisure
The Nation, 18 April 2005

Police Maj-General Peeraphan Prempooti, secretary-general of the Anti-Money Laundering Office (AMLO), said the office was in the process of freezing the assets of 10 influential people allegedly involved in demanding protection money from street vendors.

He said these assets "could be frozen after the Songkran holidays".

This announcement should give these influential people sufficient time to withdraw their money from banks and sell all their assets, he added.
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End Graft... almost
The Nation, 4 April 2005

New Agriculture and Co-operatives Minister Sudarat Keyuraphan must be wondering what planet she is on. When she moved to her new position as boss of a ministry more adept at graft and pilfer than most, she was given the nod by PM Thaksin to do something about the embarrassing amount of large-scale corruption there.

So, she questioned the dodgy bidding process in the tender for the construction of 300 artisan wells around the country because only one company had bid for the contract, and was consequently given the job.

Sudarat said the owner of the firm, which she did not name, was a Thai Rak Thai [Thaksin's political party] Buri Ram MP who had the backing of a senior politician from Buri Ram.

She was then hauled before PM Thaksin, who chastised her with vigour for making accusations "with no hard evidence".

No hard evidence? Give us a break.

By law, any company being awarded a government contract has to be named publicly. Adter that, check the records to find out who owns the company. Then check to see if there were any other bidders, and if the tender was advertised according to the law.

Ten minutes later you have all the hard evidence you need.

All this would be about as difficult as walking. Cover up. Cover up. Cover up.

Sudarat was then subjected to a scathing verbal attack by Sopon Petchsawang, Thai Rak Thai MP for Buri Ram. Sopon is backed by Newin Chidchob, deputy minister for agriculture, who is a senior politician from Buri Ram.

Such was the level of the attack by Sopon, you would think it was his construction company that was involved.
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Don't Do as I Say
The Nation, 4 April 2005

The events in above story coincided with last week's cabinet meeting, when Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra ordered his Cabinet to crack down on corruption within their ministries. Thaksin ordered each minister to launch stringent anti-corruption measures.

Boy, talk about mixed signals.
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