My Dorm Mate's Mate

I don't usually talk about things that could come back and haunt me some day, but my friend Biscuit's recent post about her days in Mobile, AL reminded me of a story. A story from my freshman year in college in Mobile.

My best friend and fraternity brother (we'll call him Jay) and I shared a dorm room during the spring term. It was a blast. We had a great time. Here's a basic floorplan of the room. It wasn't big. The desks in the middle were back to back and had shelves that went up about 7 feet. We each had our little TV's mounted on the top shelves, and we'd kick back at night, each on his own bed and toss a football back and forth over the barrier while watching Late Night with David Letterman.

The only problem with this partnership - or rather "problems" with an "s" since there were two - were

1. Jay was an absolute slob. His clothes (dirty and clean... I couldn't tell which) where all over the floor on his side of the room. Which meant I had to walk through them to get out and in. Yuck.

2. Jay was having more sex than I was. Very frustrating for a me since my girlfriend was a 6 hour drive away.

One particular evening Jay and his girlfriend went to a party, and didn't tell me about it.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Jay, Steve, Lester and I were pledge brothers. We bonded. We made a pact that we would never go to an open party without at least telling the other three about it so they would have the option of joining.

Around 2:00 AM they came to the dorm room. They were SO drunk, that they woke me up even before they tried to unlock the door. They kept shushing each other and fumbling with the keys and giggling. Finally they got in the door, shuffled through the clothing bog toward the bed, ripped each other's clothes off and humped like wild boars for about 30 minutes. All the time whispering LOUDLY and giggling about not waking up ME. Arrgh.

Then Jay got up to go to the bathroom... and I had an idea. A very evil, dastardly, devious, and best of all naughty, idea...

...they were stinking drunk.

...the room was basically pitch black except for the glow of alarm clocks

...time to make a move and get some revenge

I got up. Shuffled through the clothing bog toward the bed and...

...

...

...

...and hopped in!

My luck was perfect, she was facing away toward the wall (see floorplan with Jay's bed). So I got a good spooning going. She reached back and... asked why I had put the shorts back on. Oh well... so she reached in and started working it out. It was all cuddly, comfy and warm... until someone started getting into bed behind me and almost got into a double spoon before figuring out something wasn't right.

He yelled, "Dude!"

I said, "What?"

She said, "Who?"

I said, "Me."

He said, "my name!!"

I said, "What?!"

She said, "OMG!!!"

--and bounced away from me and hit her head on the wall. Not hard. Just enough to get her attention.

Then I scooted out, scuffled past Jay as he was both laughing and swearing at me. He wasn't sure whether to pat me on the back or punch me in the eye. She started laughing and saying "ouch" and swearing at me also. Did I mention they were both really really drunk?

I just snickered and got back in my own bed.

The next day I was up, showered, dressed, gone, and probably had lunch before they ever opened their eyes.

We got lots of good laughs about it for weeks afterward. Needless to say he never forgot to invite me to a party for the rest of the year, and he told me she was much more careful whenever he came back to bed to make sure it was him first. :-D

Good thing that first time he only had to drain the snake. What might have happened if he'd been gone more than 5 minutes??? :-o

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