Your chest is in your pants...

Okay. So I haven't blogged in a while. No time. Still no internet connection at home. (the joys of living in a developing nation). I'm now looking into satelite-based ADSL... and keeping my fingers crossed.

I have a Thai coworker/friend who has found herself involved (although from a great distance) with an American guy. She lives here, he lives there. So they are basically adult pen-pals. So I'm getting asked, as the resident American in my office, to help her understand some of the language this guy is using when they talk/sms/email/chat etc. Here are some samples:

"I'm desperate for you!" Doesn't make any sense in Thai. So I had to explain it metaphorically... A guy in the desert for days would be desperate for water. So similarly a guy who hasn't seen his honey for days would be desperate for her.

Then came the question... "Does that refer to sex because I know all Americans have a lot of sex right?" Um... er... ah... not the type of question I'm used to at the office. So, I said it could be both physical and social. A good, suitably generic, non-commital answer.

Then came the question... "Why does he keep talking about taking cold showers? Don't you have hot water in America?" Um... er... ah... [Lord help me]... Well, sure we have hot water. Think of it this way, if you have a headache or a muscle spasm, you put ice on it to make it feel better and reduce swelling. So, in his "desperation" maybe he's alluding to needing to cool off his "ache" for you? [whew!!! a narrow escape that one]

Then came the question... "What does it mean to get in someone's pants?" ***GREAT GOOGELY MOOGELY*** How do I answer this one diplomatically? I said I'd get back to her. They don't play baseball in Thailand. So, alluding to 3rd Base has no meaning. So, what did I tell her was ...

I said, think of it as a treasure chest...
[blank stare from my coworker]
...the treasure is in the chest...
[more blank staring]
... um... the chest is your pants.
"My chest is in my pants?"
... no no no! The treasure is in the chest and your pants ARE the chest...
"So the treasure is in my chest and my pants are where?"
... No! Listen. The treasure... it's in the chest... your pants are the chest and they contain the treasure!!! Thus, what is in your pants is the treasure! He wants to get in your chest...er... pants to get to your treasure! Understand??!!!
"OH! So he's talking about my {oyster}?!!"
That's part of it I'm sure.
"So he's saying he wants to have sex?"
Quite possibly yes.
"But my {butt} is in my pants too. You mean he wants to sex my {butt}?!!!"
NOTE: Thai's tend to be very literal.
NOTE2: A word in {} means the Thai word was used and I've translated it.
I don't know. Maybe? Maybe you should be asking him these questions?
"Oh no. I can't do that."
Why not?
"Because it's not proper for Thai ladies to talk about these things with people they like."
...um... ouch.