And furthermore...

In case anyone is interested, since we're all talking right now about poly vs monogamous relationships - for all you polys out there Thailand would be one of your favorite places.

In Thailand they still have the old custom of minor wives and minor husbands... so in theory you could have multiple common-law spouses.

My good friend in Bangkok... his girlfriend's father is the equivalent of the town mayor in a small village in the North East of Thailand. He has 5 wives. The first one is the primary. Another friend from the USA over here has 3 "girlfriends". I put that in quotes because they all qualify as common law wives based on how long they've been with him. He just married the pregnant one. That marriage thing was interesting. They all get along very well and are friends, but the discussion of who would get to marry him was a hot topic. The first girlfriend thought is should be her because she was the first. The second thought it should be her because she was pregnant. The third thought it should be her because she was young and energetic (and apparently the best in the sack). Once he made the decision though, they all dropped the topic and supported the pregnant one 100%.

Mia is one of the Thai words for wife. Mia Noi, means small or minor wife. There are also minor husbands for very well-off women. Usually a Mia Noi is treated like a western mistress with an apartment given to her, and a monthly allowance. In some Thai sub-cultures it's actually a prestigious position to be the mia noi or sahmi noi (minor husband) of a wealthy person.

I was working at the US Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand when then Secretary of State Madeline Albright came for a visit. She gave a speech to all the embassy staff (of which about 800 are Thai) talking about economic aid to Thailand, and how we were working with the Thai government in the Golden Triangle area to get the Opium growers to switch to vegetables and flowers which would actually bring them more money. Then at the end she started talking about public decency and getting rid of the night time "entertainment" industry through education. I wanted to stand up and tell her my housekeeper had a bacherlors degree and I was helping her study for her masters because she couldn't find work - basically to emphasize the education without jobs does absolutely nothing but create well-educated dolists - but I restrained myself.

After the meeting so many Thai's - both friends, and people who knew I spoke Thai and studied Thai culture - approached me to ask me what she meant (some male, but mostly female). When I explained she was referring to closing down the gogo's (strip clubs), and the massage parlors, and getting women (and men too) to stop trading sex for money, they were all shocked. While some of them were for it, the vast majority were not and wanted to know who the hell Albright and the USA thought they were to impose her own views on someone elses country and culture.

Granted, if Thailand was a bit more equitable in its treatment of women vs. men this place would be a paradise. But Thailand being an oriental country is still very much male dominated, so it's not always easy for women to acquire the same types of perks that men have... though if you have enough money pretty much anything can happen over here. Keep in mind this is a Buddhist culture, not Christian. There's no concept of "original sin" in Buddhism, and actually no such thing as "sin" in Buddha's original teachings. So adultery's only fault is that it takes you further away from the path to enlightenment instead of forward toward it.

I could go on for hours on this topic, and there's so much contradiction in modern Thai culture on this topic. If anyone has questions let me know. And if anyone wants to holiday in Thailand, I'll be extremely happy to play tour guide!