Anguished English

ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

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Let's face it - English is a crazy language... If a teacher can teach, and a preacher can preach - then if teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple, and English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work very slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? And if you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

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Welcome to NFL 2008 baby!

HOLEY MOLEY! Michael Who? Michael Vick? Nope! Michael Turner ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the NFC Mike. Glad you could join us. :-)

The return of the PowerBack. Michael Turner, at 5'10" and 244 pounds, in his season opening debut for the Atlanta Falcons, broke the single game team rushing record that has stood since Gerald Riggs set it in 1984. Turner ran 220 on 22 carries with 2 TDs. That's an average of 10 yards per carry! Overall the Falcons generated 479 yards total offense. I can't remember the last time they did that.

This guy is incredible. How did San Diego ever decide to let him go? 15 more games to go, but I guarantee every time he touches the ball people are going to hold their breaths for just a second. He's that good.

Even Rookie Quarterback Matt Ryan looked good by making his first regular season pass as a professional a 65 yard TouchDown score! 161 yards on 9 passes with 1 TD and no interceptions. Works for me!

Granted, they were playing the Detroit Lions, but what a great way to open the season when so many question marks were hanging over their heads.

Way to go guys!!! And welcome to the new season!

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Taxes - Clarification

My friend Raleigh has inspired me to do additional research on some of the items I posted previously regarding McCain and Obama's tax plans. As a result I find a need to post some clarification info.

Some interesting additional background: John D. Dingell (D-Mich.), the chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, will likely introduce the “carbon tax” bill when Congress returns next month. Harney writes, “Besides imposing hefty new federal taxes on gasoline, the forthcoming bill would, in Dingell’s words, seek to ‘remove the mortgage interest deduction on McMansions — homes over 3,000 square feet.’ Dingell said he recognizes that such a proposal will spark much criticism, but he also said it is essential to reducing carbon emissions by 60 percent to 80 percent by 2050.”

I have been able to do some real research on the home sale item though. And what I blogged before is technically incorrect - there seems to be a mixup between Rep. Dingell's "McMansion" suggestion, and Obama's capital gains plan. Here's the real deal...

For a primary residence only, if you own a home and sell it for a profit you are not taxed on the first $250k of profit (single) or $500k (married). Obama is keeping that exemption just like McCain, but he's increasing the Capital Gains tax for profits beyond those amounts.

The true difference lies in the Capital Gains tax plans of both candidates. Capital gains affects EVERY investment in which you make a profit - whether that is house, stock, IRA, dividend payments, etc. HOWEVER, in a related Democrat policy initiative, Nancy Pelosi definitely HAS stated publicly her desire to place additional taxes on gains which would affect retirement fund earnings:

Madam Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, wants to put a Windfall Tax on all stock market profits. This by definition includes, Individual Retirement Accounts (IRA), 401Ks and Mutual Funds (We already are taxed on Savings Accounts Interest and Investment Dividend Income).

I quote her,"We need to work toward the goal of equalizing income in our country and at the same time limiting the amount the rich can invest." When asked how these new tax dollars would be spent, she replied, "We need to raise the standard of living of our poor, unemployed and minorities." She continues, "For example, we have an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in our country who need our help along with millions of unemployed minorities. Stock market windfall profit taxes could go a long ways to guarantee these people the standard of living they would like to have as 'Americans'." (Wow! What about the standard of living I would like to have as a law-abiding, hard-working, tax paying citizen???)

Now please keep in mind, I am not perpetuating the myth/hoax about a tax specifically on retirement. No. I'm referring again to CAPITAL GAINS taxes. The gains your retirement accounts make based on the reinvestment of dividends earned, and any profit gained by the fund managers through their buy/sell activities, can be taxed for Capital Gains beyond just normal income tax after you retire and begin taking disbursements from it. So, assuming your 401k and IRA exceed $250k in profits/gains by the time you retire (and I certainly hope they do or you probably won't be retiring), the Dems want to add about 13% more capital gains tax on top of the 15% you are already obligated to pay under current legislation.

McCain intends to leave the long-term capital gains tax at 15%. Obama intends to raise it to 25% to 28% for taxpayers reporting income of $250k or more per year. I'm sorry, I've been unable to find out if that's the rate for single income or a couples combined income.

Taxes - Obama vs. McCain

Just a little comparison for those of you who are interested. All of this is verifiable on CNN and Fox and other mainstream media. Blogger can't use tables, so I'm trying to make this as neat and clean as possible for you. Bear with me.

CAPITAL GAINS TAX
MCCAIN 0% on home sales up to $500,000 per home (couples). McCain does not propose any change in existing home sales income tax.
OBAMA 28% on profit from ALL home sales.
(How does this affect you? If you sell your home and make a profit, you will pay 28% of your gain on taxes. If you are heading toward retirement and would like to down-size your home or move into a retirement community, 28% of the money you make from your home will go to taxes. This proposal will adversely affect the elderly who are counting on the income from their homes as part of their retirement income.)

DIVIDEND TAX
MCCAIN 15% (no change)
OBAMA 39.6% - Capital gains increase
(How will this affect you? If you have any money invested in stock market, IRA, mutual funds, college funds, life insurance, retirement accounts, or anything that pays or reinvests dividends, you will now be paying nearly 40% of the money earned on taxes if Obama becomes president.)

INCOME TAX
MCCAIN (no changes)
Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $31,250
OBAMA (reversion to pre-Bush tax cuts)
Single making 30K - tax $8,400
Single making 50K - tax $14,000
Single making 75K - tax $23,250
Married making 60K - tax $16,800
Married making 75K - tax $21,000
Married making 125K - tax $38,750
Under Obama, your taxes could almost double! AND the least wealthy are suffering the greatest planned increase!!!! What's up with that? I thought Nobama and the Democrats were supposed to be supporting the little guys, not the elite! Hmmm...

INHERITANCE TAX
MCCAIN - 0% (No change, Bush repealed this tax)
OBAMA Restore the inheritance tax
Many families have lost businesses, farms, ranches, and homes that have been in their families for generations because they could not afford the inheritance tax. Those willing their assets to loved ones will only lose them to these taxes.

!!! NEW TAXES PROPOSED BY OBAMA !!!
New government taxes proposed on homes that are more than 2400 square feet.
New gasoline taxes (as if gas weren't high enough already)
New taxes on natural resources consumption (heating gas, water, electricity)
New taxes on retirement accounts, and last but not least....
New taxes to pay for socialized medicine so we can receive the same level of medical care as a third-world country!!!

Just thought you'd want to know.
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200 what?!?

You know, I've had some strange illnesses in my travels... pneumonia in Moscow, amoebic dysentery in India, Dengue fever in Thailand, and something that didn't even have a name in Mongolia to name the most annoying, but this news article beats my best with both hands tied behind its back...

A woman in London, England has an illness/condition that causes her to have orgasms constantly. Pretty much at the drop of a hat. Apparently, anything that gets her excited or emotional, or causes vibration, or buzzes, or walks-talks-and-breaths... pretty much ANYTHING... can cause her to have an orgasm!

You've got to read this article!

All I can says is of all the illnesses in all the world... this one's not too bad!

PS: and she's pretty darned attractive too... maybe she could go to work for Pfizer - I hear their looking for Quality Control test subjects. ;-)
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