Photographically challenged...

Okay ya'll. I need some help with this damned blog thingy! I'm a computer guy. I even know how to write HTML code from scratch. I was surfin' the web before VP Al Gore invented the "Information Superhighway" [what a chucklehead he was], but for the life of me I can't seem to upload pics to my blog!

I go to www.blogger.com and login. I choose "create" and click on the button for "Add Image". The godforsaken image page comes up and I choose to add a pic from my computer since I don't have a web host anywhere. After selecting the picture I want to upload, I click the button that says "Upload Image" in that inviting blue button with white lettering.

It then tells me it is uploading. I wait. I wait. I wait. Then it pops back to the blog "create" page, and there's no picture! I click the "preview" URL. No pic!

What am I doing wrong? This must just be too damn simple and I'm adding complexity or something.

Needy People...

Okay. My bloggish compadre's suggested it. (tip o'the hat to Bisquit Chick and Sanity keeper). So here goes the Google needs game...

[if you don't know, you google your first name followed by the word "needs" instead of your last name. Then blog-post the top ten... or even the bottom ten... just post at least ten and leave it at that.]

I'm posting 12 because apparently Chris is a very needy person.

Chris Needs...

1. Chris needs feeding. Apparently 3 squares a day isn't enough for Chris.

2. Chris needs no mike stand. Um... all kinds of strange interpretations for that one.

3. Chris needs to check that everything is going well. Apparently Chris is a bit insecure.

4. Chris needs to do more freestyles and tracks. In that case Chris needs a new turntable and mixer for Christmas!

5. Chris needs a transfusion. Make mine A+!

6. Chris needs a haircut. I thought Brady Bunch fro's were making a comeback! Damn!

7. Chris needs to be researched. Apparently Chris has some unusual... um... attributes.

8. Chris needs to get more comfortable. Yeah... that last time on the bean bag gave me a cramp!

9. Chris needs late night listening. And Chris needs to be more comfortable so Chris can give you all of his attention the way you deserve it baby.

10. Chris needs your sex talk. Um... see the previous comment.

11. Chris needs fe fydd llu o ddiddanwyr gan gynnwys. Chris needs to stop sniffing glue. (I think that entry was in gaelic or welsh)

12. CHRIS needs to still be cleaned. Uh... can you say "sponge bath*"? volunteers?

*[the "sponge bath" thing I'll leave for another blog. There's a definite story in there]

What's in a name?

Thailand is a very different kind of place. It's a wonderful place, but at times a bit strange when seen through American eyes.

In the west 99% of us have nicknames based on our full given name right? (well unless you live in Memphis apparently where people have names like "Rooster") In the West Joseph is Joe, Steven is Steve, Patricia is Patty, etc. Makes sense. It's somewhat logical.

Not so in Thailand. In fact it's 99% the opposite. Here their nicknames have almost nothing to do with their given names. Of course many of their given names are real toungue twisters for us foreign blokes. We can thank the French for that... it was the French missionaries that did the conversion from Thai script into the Western alphabet. Right buggered job of it too!

So here are some samples for you of some Thai nicknames and their meanings...

Lek - small
Yai - big
Goong - shrimp
Poo - crab
Pung - lobster
Som - orange
Pias - beauty
Nah - face
Nok - bird
Dow - star
Daeng - red
Fah - blue
Fahn - dream
Ling - monkey
Raht - ?
Moo - pork
Gai - chicken
Geng - clever
Naht - ?
Tang - the old astronaut's breakfast drink!

I actually had friends in Bangkok with three daughters. The daughter's real names were Ratree (night time), Rhiamfah (something blue), and Thatcheree (don't know). The family, in trying to be clever, gave them the nicknames A, B, and C. Yep. The alphabet characters. Not Ay, Bee, See, just plain ole A, B, C. That's it.

Then another friend, whose nickname I knew as Arm, told me her brother's nickname was Leg. Leg? The English word "leg"? You mean as in those two things people use for walking around? Yeppers! ...Her baby sisters nickname was Neck.

Then there was my first girlfriend in Thailand years ago. Her name was Fah (blue). She had six siblings, all named for colors Daeng (red), Leung (yellow), Kiow (green), Som (orange), Dum (brown), and the youngest was New. New? What color is that? "It's no color, she "new"" What? You mean as in the English word "new"? As in she's brand new? "Of course," Fah said as if to say 'Duh!'. "She come accident." Accident? Oh! You mean your parents didn't intend to have another child? "Yes! She come accident."

No offence to any of my great Thai friends, but with names like these, it's a wonder some of them ever leave the house.

School Daze

Well my daughter is back to school today, second term of K-1.

I guess before I talk more about the first day back I should explain to ya'll back home that Thailand (and most Asian countries) are not on the same school calendar that we have in the USA. Their 1st Semester (term) starts in May. Mid-year break is in September/October, then the 2nd Semester goes until end of March. (April is high summer in Thailand).

She really didn't want to go back. She clung to Mommy's arm out to the car. Sat looking depressed on the way to the school without uttering a word. Then clung to Mommy's arm again as we walked to the admin offices... until she saw all the other kids playing in the school yard. At which time Mommy had to cling to Marisa's arm up to the admin office, and all the way to the classroom so we could meet the teacher and deposit Marisa's bookbag with all the other bags. Then we had to cling to her arm again on the walk back to the school yard. At the first oppotunity she took off running to find kids her size to play with.

We stood and watched as the bell rang and all the kids formed into lines by classroom. The Thai flag was raised and all the kids sang the national anthem (Thai that is), and marched off to class to begin the second half of the school year.

I love coming home from work and having Marisa (daughter) run up screaming "Papa!" and tell me all about what she learned, or what games she played, or what friends she played with that day at school. Granted K-1 is the equivalent of Pre-School in the USA, but it's still fun to listen to her.

Now finally, Mommy gets some peace and quiet from about 0800 to 1500 for another few months... excepting for the other child (my son) who is now 6 months old. She looked at me and sighed, and I looked at her and said, "Only 20 more years to go honey, then we can relax free and clear again."

New "Nerd Haiku"

Since I haven't blogged in a month, I'm trying to make up for lost time...

Blogging takes my time
Time is a blue illusion
Control Alt Delete

My bathtub leaking
Dripping worlds, tears of sizzle
Fritzing my laptop

Your chest is in your pants...

Okay. So I haven't blogged in a while. No time. Still no internet connection at home. (the joys of living in a developing nation). I'm now looking into satelite-based ADSL... and keeping my fingers crossed.

I have a Thai coworker/friend who has found herself involved (although from a great distance) with an American guy. She lives here, he lives there. So they are basically adult pen-pals. So I'm getting asked, as the resident American in my office, to help her understand some of the language this guy is using when they talk/sms/email/chat etc. Here are some samples:

"I'm desperate for you!" Doesn't make any sense in Thai. So I had to explain it metaphorically... A guy in the desert for days would be desperate for water. So similarly a guy who hasn't seen his honey for days would be desperate for her.

Then came the question... "Does that refer to sex because I know all Americans have a lot of sex right?" Um... er... ah... not the type of question I'm used to at the office. So, I said it could be both physical and social. A good, suitably generic, non-commital answer.

Then came the question... "Why does he keep talking about taking cold showers? Don't you have hot water in America?" Um... er... ah... [Lord help me]... Well, sure we have hot water. Think of it this way, if you have a headache or a muscle spasm, you put ice on it to make it feel better and reduce swelling. So, in his "desperation" maybe he's alluding to needing to cool off his "ache" for you? [whew!!! a narrow escape that one]

Then came the question... "What does it mean to get in someone's pants?" ***GREAT GOOGELY MOOGELY*** How do I answer this one diplomatically? I said I'd get back to her. They don't play baseball in Thailand. So, alluding to 3rd Base has no meaning. So, what did I tell her was ...

I said, think of it as a treasure chest...
[blank stare from my coworker]
...the treasure is in the chest...
[more blank staring]
... um... the chest is your pants.
"My chest is in my pants?"
... no no no! The treasure is in the chest and your pants ARE the chest...
"So the treasure is in my chest and my pants are where?"
... No! Listen. The treasure... it's in the chest... your pants are the chest and they contain the treasure!!! Thus, what is in your pants is the treasure! He wants to get in your chest...er... pants to get to your treasure! Understand??!!!
"OH! So he's talking about my {oyster}?!!"
That's part of it I'm sure.
"So he's saying he wants to have sex?"
Quite possibly yes.
"But my {butt} is in my pants too. You mean he wants to sex my {butt}?!!!"
NOTE: Thai's tend to be very literal.
NOTE2: A word in {} means the Thai word was used and I've translated it.
I don't know. Maybe? Maybe you should be asking him these questions?
"Oh no. I can't do that."
Why not?
"Because it's not proper for Thai ladies to talk about these things with people they like."
...um... ouch.